16
PRACTICE 9
Check the following paragraphs for adequate support. As you read each one, decide which places need more or better support – specific facts, details, and examples. Then rewrite the paragraphs, inventing facts and details whenever necessary and dropping repetitious words and sentences.
Paragraph a:
(1)My uncle can always be counted on when the family faces hardship.
(2)Last year, when my mother was very ill, he was there, ready to help in every way.
(3)He never has to be called twice.
(4)When my parents were in danger of losing their little hardware store because of a huge increase in rent, he helped.
(5)Everyone respects him for his willingness to be a real “family man”.
(6)He is always there for us.
Paragraph b:
(1)Many television talk shows don’t really present a discussion of ideas.
(2)Some people who appear on these shows don’t know what they are talking about; they just like to sound off about something.
(3)I don't like these shows at all.
(4)Guests shout their opinions out loud but never give any proof for what they say.
(5)Guests sometimes expose their most intimate personal and family problems before millions of viewers – I feel embarrassed.
(6)I have even heard hosts insult their guests and guests insult them back.
(7)Why do people watch this junk?
(8)You never learn anything from these dumb shows.
This paragraph lacks unity:
(1) Quitting smoking was very difficult for me.
17
(2) When I was thirteen, my friend Janice and I smoked in front of a mirror.
(3)We practiced holding the cigarette in different ways and tried French inhaling, letting the smoke roll slowly out of our mouths and drawing it back through our noses.
(4)I thought this move, when it didn’t incite a fit of coughing, was particularly sexy.
(5)At first I smoked only to give myself confidence on dates and at parties.
(6)Soon, however, I was smoking all the time.
Here the topic sentence itself, sentence 1, does not relate to the rest of the paragraph. The main idea in sentence 1, that quitting smoking was difficult, is not developed by the other sentences. Since the rest of the paragraph is unified, a more appropriate topic sentence might read: As a teenager, I developed the bad habit of smoking.
PRACTICE 10
Check the following paragraphs for unity. If a paragraph is unified, write U in the blank. If not, write T in the blank and suggest a more appropriate topic sentence for the paragraph.
Paragraph a:
(1)At Paradise Produce, attractive displays of fruit and vegetables caught my eye.
(2)On the left, oranges, lemons, and apples were stacked in neat pyramids.
(3)In the center of the store, baskets of ripe peaches, plums, and raspberries were grouped in a kind of still-life.
(4)On the right, the leafy green vegetables had been arranged according to intensity of colour: dark green spinach, then romaine lettuce and parsley, next the lighter iceberg lettuce, and finally the nearly white Chinese cabbage.
(5)On the wall above the greens hung braided ropes of garlic.
(6)Some nutritionists believe that garlic prevents certain diseases.
Paragraph b:
18
(1) Speed and excitement make the Indianapolis 500 one of the world’s most popular auto-races. (2) Every Memorial Day weekend, thirty-three of the world’s fastest cars compete in this 500-mile race around the oval track at the Indianapolis Motor Speedway.
(3)Racing cars can be divided into six types.
(4)Speeds have increased almost every year since the first Indy 500 was held on May 30, 1911. (5) The winner of that race, Ray Harroun, drove his Marmon Wasp at an average speed of 74.59 miles per hour.
(6)In 1994, Al Unser, Jr., won in his Penske-Mercedes car with an average speed of 160.87 miles per hour.
(7)However, no one has yet passed Arie Luyendyk’s 1990 record; his Lola Chevrolet raced at an average speed of 185.98 miles per hour. (8) Today the Indy 500 draws almost 300,000 fans each year, making it the best-attended sporting event on the planet.
Paragraph c:
(1)Turquoise is mined in the Southwest today much as it was mined in prehistoric times.
(2)Turquoise was the Native American's bank account.
(3)It was given as pawn in exchange for staple items that he or she needed.
(4)It was a status symbol.
(5)In addition, turquoise was considered a sacred presence and was often a part of religious offerings. Turquoise was an important part of life for Native Americans in the Southwest.
Paragraph d:
(1)Dr. Jerome Bach believes that children may play certain roles in the family depending on their birth order.
(2)The first child, who usually identifies with the father, takes on the family’s more obvious social and career goals.
(3)The second child is tuned in to the family’s emotional requirements and may act out the hidden needs of others, especially the mother.
19
(4)The behavior of the third child often reflects what is going on between the parents; for instance, if eating is the only thing the parents enjoy doing as a couple, the third child may be overweight.
(5)In general, families today have fewer children than in the past.
Writing the Final Draft
Write neatly and legibly – a carelessly scribbled paper seems to say that you don’t care about your own work. When you finish, proofread for grammar and spelling.
Here is the final draft of the paragraph about Pete’s sloppiness:
Pete’s sloppiness is a terrible habit. He lives by himself in a one-room apartment carpeted with dirty clothes, books, and crumpled candy wrappers. Stacks of papers cover the chair seats. Socks bake on the lampshades. When Pete makes a date or an appointment, he may jot the time and place on a scrap of paper that is soon tucked into a pocket and forgotten, or – more likely – he doesn’t jot down the information at all. As a result, Pete is often a latecomer or completely forgets to appear. His grades have suffered, too, since few instructors will put up with a student who arrives out of breath ten minutes after the class has begun and whose wrinkled, carelessly scrawled papers arrive (late, of course) punctuated with Coca-Cola stains and melted M & Ms. The less Pete controls his sloppiness, the more it seems to control him.
Note that the paragraph contains good support – specific facts, details, and examples that explain the topic sentence.
Note that the paragraph has unity – every idea relates to the topic sentence.
Note that the final sentence provides a brief conclusion so that the paragraph feels finished.
Writing Assignments
The assignments that follow will give you practice in writing basic paragraphs. In each, aim for (1) a clear, complete, and limited topic sentence and (2) a body that fully supports and develops the topic sentence.
Remember to narrow the topic, write the topic sentence, free write or brainstorm, select, and arrange ideas in a plan or an outline before you write. Rethink and revise as necessary before composing the final version of the paragraph.
20
Paragraph 1: Discuss an important day in your life. Think back to a day when you learned something important, preferably outside of school. In the topic sentence, tell what you learned. Free write or brainstorm to gather ideas. Then describe the lesson in detail, including only the most important steps or events in the learning process. Conclude with an insight.
Paragraph 2: Describe a meeting place. Many towns, neighborhoods, and colleges have a central place where people gather to chat and review the day’s experiences
– a park, restaurant, and so on. If you know such a place, describe it. Explain who goes there, what they do there, and what they talk about.
Paragraph 3: Interview a classmate about an achievement. Write about a time when your classmate achieved something important, like winning an award for a musical performance, getting an A in a difficult course, or helping a friend through a hard time. To gather interesting facts and details, ask your classmate questions like these and take notes: Is there one accomplishment of which you are very proud? Why was this achievement so important? Keep asking questions until you feel you can give the reader a vivid sense of your classmate’s triumph. In your first sentence, state the person's achievement – for instance, being accepted in the honours programme improved Gabe’s self-esteem. Then explain specifically why the achievement was so meaningful.
Paragraph 4: Choose an ideal job. Decide what kind of job you are best suited for and, in your topic sentence, tell what this job is. Then give three or four reasons that will convince readers of the wisdom of your choice. Discuss any special qualifications, talents, skills, or attitudes that would make you an excellent … .
Revise your work, checking for support and unity.
Paragraph 5: Discuss a quotation. Look through the quotations in the Quotation Bank before the indexes in this book. Pick a quotation you especially agree or disagree with. In your topic sentence, state how you feel about the quotation. Then explain why you feel the way you do, giving examples from your own experience to support or contradict the quotation. Make sure your reader knows exactly how you feel.
Paragraph 6: Describe your ideal vacation day. Present your ideal vacation day from morning to night. Do not tell everything, but highlight the four or five most important moments or activities of the day. As you jot down ideas, look for a pattern. Are the activities you choose all physical and active or lazy and slow? Is your day spent alone, with others, or both? In your topic sentence, state the pattern that includes all the activities or moments discussed in the paragraph.