Материал: 5577

71

Chart 2 - Criteria that young people use when choosing a partner for relationships

2.1 Russia

Age when relationships start

Our research shows that the average age for youngsters to start relationships in Russia is 16.5 years old. It is interesting that young men start their first gender relationships in the younger age than the young women do (women at 16.5; men at 16 on average).

Previous researches, made on gender relationships in Russia, pointed out that before 1990- s relationships between youngsters tended to follow the eastern model of gender relationships: 90% of youngsters were already married at 21. This model of relationships remained stable for years; however it began to change due to the process of westernization (which started in Russia 10 years later than in Europe). During our survey we questioned youngsters аt the age of 21 on average, but no one among them was married. Modern researches indicated that today women on average get married at 23.5 years old; men - at 26. So there is a tendency that the average age of starting a relationship is increasing.

Number of partners

We have discovered that all people questioned have 4 partners on average. What is more interesting is that young men have answered that they had from 1 to 10 partners, on the other hand, girls claimed to have on average 3.2 partners. We think that it can be explained by the fact that people from opposite genders have different attitude towards relationships. Women on the psychological level are guided by more serious considerations when it comes to relationships, whereas men change partners more frequently.

Duration of relationships

All people we questioned, had been having long lasting relationships (about a year), the longest average relationship for girls is the period of 15 month, for guys – 12 month. Except for the reason stated above this tendency can be explained by the ratio of women and men in the population of Russia. Nowadays for each three women there is only one man. In our country the ones who choose are men, rather then women. So girls tend to maintain and keep relationship, as they are minority.

How long should people date before getting married

The majority of respondents agreed that about a year of relationships is enough to get married with a partner. We have discovered that boys have controversial answers about marriage: among them there are people who are ready to get married tomorrow if they really love a partner (10%), still there are some guys who don’t see any sense in formalization of the relationships (18%). Girls, on the other hand, take more moderate position: 54% hold the opinion of dating a year before marriage

More and more young people prefer not to formalize their relationships. In modern Russian society the number of common-law marriages has increased dramatically over the last 20 years. For Russians, it is typical for partners to live together for a long time before

72

marriage. We have found several reasons for that: 1) Most marriages lately were concluded due to the pregnancy of young wives. Nowadays young people have an excess to the wide range of means of contraception; 2) the role of woman has changed in Russian society: today woman in Russia doesn’t depend on her official marital status anymore. Woman is more independent: she has an excess to higher education and profitable jobs; 3) fear of loneliness began to disappear. Studies showed that most youngsters already have an experience of 1 or 2 relationships before 20; 4) Love. It is surprising but most young people in Russia think that common-law marriage can save love longer, instead of an official one. They claim that after 3-4 years of an official marriage feelings begin to vanish; 5) People feel more comfortable when they don’t have legal formal status of relationships, they are more free because it is easier to end the relationships if something goes wrong; 6) Nowadays most youngsters, following the model of Western society, consider that before marriage they should complete high education, find a stable job and at least be able to rent an apartment.

Relationships in public

Most surveyed young people do not object to the public display of emotions. Both young men and young women accept kissing and hugging on public (73%, 82% correspondingly), but still some level of formality exists in Russian culture – youngsters pointed out that there are some limits to public emotion display they need to relate to. It shows, first of all, that our society is a mixture of cultures: western and eastern. Researches indicated that young men feel freer in public display of emotions: 27% of them indicated that they do not see any difficulties to display emotions in public.

Parents’ influence on relationships

To clarify the power of parent’s attitude in gender relationships in Russia, we have asked respondents about the weight of parent’s opinion towards the choice of the partner. Most youngsters answered that they listen to their parents, but their opinion is not the model for them. What we found interesting is that guys more listen to their parents than girls do. Also there are girls who keep their private life in secret (10%), while all guys discus the problem of choosing the partner with their parents.

Criteria that youngsters use when choosing a partner

Russian youngsters choose partners following three main criteria: partners’ human values (character, sense of humor etc.), partners’ appearance and the attitude of the partner toward him/her. However opposite genders have stated different priorities among these criteria. First of all human values are more important for girls than for boys. On the other hand young men pay more attention on the appearance of the partner. Researches also found out that young women in Russia are more pragmatic. More than 30% of them have chosen a position that a partner takes in the society (the level of partners’ earnings, a presence of the car etc.) as the important criterion.

Relationships with the person from other nationality

We have questioned youngsters about the possibility of having relationships with the member of another nationality. 72% of the respondents don’t see any obstacles in having the relationships with the member of another nationality. Still answers of 20% of the respondents depend on the kind of partners’ nationality. Moreover 3 of asked girls and 1 of asked guys have already been in that kind of relationships. Respondents pointed out several most important problems that international couples usually face. Among them women pointed out: cultural differences and different mentality (60% of the respondents); the differences in the status of the woman in several cultures (63%). Guys pointed out: different mentality (81%) and cultural differences (63%). Only 27% of the young men think that differences in status of the woman in some countries could be an obstacle for international relationships. It could turn so because women in real life more often face to discriminations.

73

2.2 USA

Age when relationships start

According to our survey and based on the official statistics, Americans start dating early, some of them – at the age of 11 or 12. American culture also gives emphasis on sexual expression in relationships. In the United States, young people aged 15-24 represent 25% of the sexually experienced population.

Number of partners

Girls in the relationships more monogamous than boys and prefer meet with one partner but for a long time. Average number of partners for girls is 5, for boys is 10.6, but average number of enduring relationships for girls is 12 months, for boys is 5.6 months. Girls value quality of relationships more than number of partners. As for boys, the quantity of partners is

more important than stability in relationships.

How long should people date before getting married

The most part of respondents agreed that about a year of relationships is enough to get married with the partner. We have found out that boys have arguable answers about the marriage: one part of male respondents think that they are ready to get married tomorrow if they really love a partner (30%), still there are guys who don’t see any sense in formalization of the relationships (31%). The girls hold the opinion that dating for a year before marriage is enough (52.6 %).

Relationships in public

Americans are very uninhibited and they like showing their feelings on public kissing and touching each other for pleasure. And they can’t see any barriers to demonstrate their relationships in different places, but everything should be within reasonable limits. According to survey, boys tend to public display of affection more than girls.

Parents’ influence on relationships

Americans consider that parents can make decisions because they care and have experience in relationships, but the best way would be to ask them for advice now and again, but not have them force on relationships whenever you didn't ask for it.

Just as mothers influence their son's general feelings toward women, fathers influence their daughter's general feelings about men. If a father lavishes praise on his daughter and demonstrates that she is a worthwhile person, she'll feel very good about herself in relationship with men. But if the father is cold, critical or absent, the daughter will tend to feel she's not very lovable or attractive.

Criteria that youngsters use when choosing a partner

American youngsters mark out three main criteria: partners’ human values (character, sense of humor etc.), partners’ appearance and the attitude of the partner toward him/her. However opposite genders have stated different priorities among these criteria. As for human values, this point is more important for girls (77.5%) than for boys (52.5%). Young men draw more attention on the appearance of the partner (50.9%). Researches also found out that for young women the second criterion is the attitude of the partner towards her (72.3%), but boys tend to take into consideration the positive opinion of family about partner (61%). All respondents put partner's family (parents' status in society, relations within the family, etc.) on the last position, but for boys it’s a little bit more important (26%, opposed to 20 % for girls).

Relationships with the person from other nationality

The USA is a big country with different people living there. This country combines people with different cultures, nationalities, religions, races. Having difference does not have to have a detrimental effect on your relationship as long as you continue to respect each other and your different beliefs. All respondents answered that it makes no difference what nationality

74

their partner has, love is what matters. But the most acute problems that youngsters face during the relationships are language barrier, religious difference, cultural differences.

2.3 South Korea

Age when relationships start

Dating in Korea depends on individual people, but the average Korean starts dating around high school age (from 17-19 years old). Due to the fact that many schools are separated by gender, some Korean youths might not kiss someone of the opposite sex until they reach college age or beyond.

Analyzing the data of our survey we found out that the average age for relationships in Korea is 18.5 for male, 18.3 for female.

Number of partners

Koreans yearn for love, they are very romantic. So Koreans treat love and relationships more serious then Americans and Russians. That’s why they have fewer partners during their premarital relationship. As our survey shows the average number of partners for male from 18 till 27 is 2.7, for female – 2.5.

Duration of relationships

Duration of relationships is longer then in other compared countries: 19.5 months - for male and 18.6 months for female. Obviously it is connected with Korean shyness and serious attitude toward the love. Korean men tend to let a relationship work out slowly. It's in their culture. But if they truly like girl, they eventually gather up the courage to tell her how they are really feeling.

How long should people date before getting married

Today accepted age for marriage is continuously increasing. For women it is connected with their desire not to opt out of marriage immediately, but think about her education and future profession. That might impress men, who once asked «Is she pretty?», but now ask «What does she do?» Because in modern Korea men concern not only about beauty above all other women’s qualities (as their parents do), but also their education and profession.

Sometimes Koreans even try to cohabit before marriage. If the question «Should couples live together before tying the knot?» was asked 20 years ago, most Korean respondents would have expressed their shock and disbelief, much less show any willingness to weigh pros and cons. Back to the present Koreans are not so ultraconservative any longer and the number of Korean couples trying out cohabitation is on the rise.

Relationships in public

The Statement that Koreans aren't comfortable with PDA (public displays of affection) doesn’t exist anymore. Today PDA is everywhere in Korea. In fact, Koreans love PDA more then they love the person who they are engaging in PDA with.

If arm linking, star gazing, cheek pecking, ice cream licking, crumb wiping, body snuggling, shy giggling, eye fluttering, hand holding, and sweet whispering is involved, you can bet your bottom dollar that a Korean is in love. But hardly you can see kissing couple on the street, even today it’s not common behavior in Korea. Anyway, they want to show the world they love each other.

Parents’ influence on relationships

Parents consider the qualities such as partner’s character, his/her place in society and the ability to produce good children. In their opinion the age difference is not so important. They believe that man’s money and the woman's good looks ensure happy relationships. So for them the reputation of the family name is more important than individual happiness. But it’s just parent’s opinion. Young generation have different values. Parents and children views are not identical anymore. So the influence of parents and relatives on relationships is distinctly decreasing. Our survey confirms that. As for sexual relationships before marriage, young Koreans don’t tell their parents about their private life.

75

Relationships with the person from other nationality

It is difficult to find a Korean parent who wasn't opposed to international marriage. In spite of it in recent years, international marriages have increased rapidly in Korea. Almost one of every 10 Korean marriages is international marriage. Perhaps it is connected with a rising number of foreigners in Korea, increase of studding abroad and changing views of Korean young people, who think that children who were born from international marriage have the advantage for learning two cultures and languages.

That’s why 98% of all respondents said that they don't see any obstacles for dating person from other nationality if they love him/her. And again we can see the value of love in Korean relationships. But Koreans mentioned some acutest problems in international relationship, such as Language barrier, Cultural differences, Differences in family relations, family traditions, meanings of family, Different religion, Different mentality, Differences in statuses of man and woman.

Conclusion

Gender relationships are not simply states, nor are they just affective, continuous places where we experience our emotions and feelings. These relationships are a very important part of our lives that gives us valuable experience and knowledge.

Relationships are taken differently in different countries and cultures, as well as they have different embodiment. People look at their relationships and its development in a different way, but nobody doubts that relationships play important role, helping us to perceive the world and better understand other people and ourselves.

During our research we found out a lot of interesting facts about relationships and its aspects, we communicated with many people in Russia and other countries and conducted comparative analysis. We proved some our beliefs and broke some existing stereotypes.

The main conclusion that we have come to is that the field of relationships is changing as time goes by. People change their attitudes and priorities. The culture is also a very influential aspect. When you consider human values as the main criterion choosing your partner, it doesn’t mean that the-same-age person in Saudi Arabia does the same. All these issues are very important, and when analyzing situation in different countries it’s very crucial to take all those peculiarities into account.

We also proved that situation when international relationships take place is not a rare phenomenon anymore. In the time of globalizing world people are becoming closer too and sometimes it seems like there are no boundaries when it comes to feelings and relationships. This trend was not as common, say, twenty years ago, but now we see and meet more and more people having partners and dates from another country.

We took few aspects of relationships for our research, but we are planning to continue our work in future. We are planning to cover other aspects, for example differences in age and social status in relationships, how youngsters spend their time in relationships, what signs of attention and gifts give to each other. We also found that relationships with representatives of different countries can be a separate big research that we consider doing in the nearest future! We believe that our project will be a good start and a good base for further research on this issue!

Gender relationships before marriage being it romantic, exciting, continuing or routine are fundamental aspects of human relationships that need our attention and understanding. Maybe if we knew more about this part of relationships, we could avoid some negative things in further stages of interaction between genders.